Archive for the General Category

New to come soon

Posted in General on 14/04/2011 by markcalles

so, for some odd and glorious reason this place has been getting a lot of hits lately. i dont know who you are that put me on stumbleupon but thank you. as of recent ive had a period of rest when it has come to my writing, but i have logged a lot of ideas in my to do list and am now ready to start chipping away at them. i promise new peices very shortly and have decided to include a bit of a personal comentary before the piece to give a bit of insight into my process and the ideas i am working with. i hope all of you that are visiting find something to enjoy and i would like to take this oppurtunity to invite any and all critiscm you have. please, lay it on me. if any of you need anything from me feel free to ask. see you all again soon.

Apology of a self critic.

Posted in General, Statements on 07/04/2011 by markcalles

So… the month has past, and for some it may have seemed a bit longer, especially if they had spent any amount of time with or around me. Therefore, in the practice of letting one thing end and others begin, I would like to offer my apology to any and all who had the dreadful task of putting up with me. Needles to say, I was at many times, simply put, a dick, and for this I am sorry. Some may know I was under a fair amount of stress, mostly self imposed due to my overly critical standpoint with myself, and coupled with my yearly detox, it may have gotten a bit overwhelming for some. Im sure I said some things that are not very becoming of my usual demeanor and also acted in a way that was sure to ostracize myself from some of you. My only hope is that any offended parties can forgive my foolish way of acting and recognize that this is not my usual self.

Some times I am quick to forget how out of my element I really am and how much others that expect little or nothing in return have given me. In comparisons, it is still a bit disorienting to be experiencing so many new things in a place that is still in many ways foreign.

I want to thank you all for making the past year a great and beautiful one, especially my friends and co-workers at the one and only Halifax. Without you guys there wouldn’t even be a reason to write anything like this. I especially would like to thank those who I work with in close relation and who have taken the time, on some occasions, to simple tell me to shut the hell up. To me, criticism is paramount, and I welcome every ounce that I receive, whether warranted or not. I would like to invite any and all of you to add to that whenever you see fit. Without it, my own personal growth would be a slow and arduous one.

So once again, I extend my sincerest apologies, and the biggest thanks that I can. I hope that this summer brings many more wonderful memories and that I can help make the time you spend with or around me an enriching one. Thank you.

 

Mark B L Calles

A community feel, Enlisting authors. Introducing Lars Meadow

Posted in General on 21/02/2010 by markcalles

SO… ive decided that i want this to be more of a community of ideas and opinions and works other then just my own. ive now enlisted the help of a one lars meadow to add some banter to the page and hopefully some others will follow suit. my plan is to create a sort of dialogue where the authors can play off each others works or write letters or pieces directly to or reflecting other authors. hopefully it will become a dynamic web of ideas, reflection, praise and insult. nothing is sacred and all authors will have full control of the works they produce. i can only hope this will get ugly, but until then ill continue to write whatever i feel whenever i feel it. you are all officially on notice, so stay tuned and join in if you care to.

A present perspective on a self-saboteur

Posted in General on 09/02/2010 by markcalles

I’m very much used to creating my own problems. It’s much easier to solve something if you know where the trouble began. So, for most of my life, that’s what I’ve been doing. Since I could make no sense of things outside of my control, I sometimes purposefully, but more times then not, subconsciously, made things difficult. A true self-saboteur. Some of this stems from me trying to avoid responsibility, but I believe most of it came from the immense confusion I then, and still occasionally now, experienced.

I’ve always been one to seek some form of infallible answers, whether they be scientific or philosophical. It seems I’ve been cursed to always have Why as the first word on my tongue. I have also found that, if you are not prepared for many of those whys to go unanswered, it is best not to even start. But at some point, and I think it quite recent, I have become at least slightly comfortable with my whys, and it has allowed me to start taking action instead of constantly living in my head.

For a long time I have heard people talking about living in the now, about being present in the moment, but I never really understood what it meant. It took a very long time for me to form some semblance of what it means to me to be present, and now that I have begun to think a bit differently about how I relate to myself and others, and what impact the daily has on the culmination of my entirety, I can use this sense of perspective and constantly see it at work in my life.

Case in point. Albeit not extremely prolific it is still poignant.

I had a conversation the other night that basically went like this:

Mark “I feel like crap. I think I’m going to mess something up, on purpose.”

Other Mark “What? That’s exactly what you’re not going to do.”

Mark “But I need some turmoil. Now that everything’s going smoothly I feel so stuck.”

Other Mark “So you’re going to fuck something up just to build it again?”

Mark “Yeah. Its kind of what I always do.”

Other Mark “Man, you really are an idiot. Stop being such a pussy.”

Mark “But…”

Other Mark “Nope. Just stop being such a pussy.”

Mark “Its just…”

Other Mark “Seriously, dude, stop being such a pussy.”

Mark “… yeah…I…”

Other Mark “Stop being such a pussy!”

Mark “Okay!”

And that’s the advantage that being present has given me. Now, when I look to make new problems, if I stop and realize and come to the conclusion that it is not such a good idea to revert to self-sabotage, something is provided for me. Not that life had any shortcomings when it came to providing, but where as before they caught me unprepared, now that I am not dealing with extraneous issues the new opportunities get my full attention and I actually get somewhere. I actually listen to that little voice that has started to steer me away from my past ways of acting. Now the internal dialogue that I ignored for so long makes too much sense to just shut out anymore. And that in it self is as exciting as any extraneous problems I could create for myself, because the new and unexplored is scary as shit, but I can no longer keep walking up and down the same hill and justify calling myself an explorer.

It’s been a long time coming.

Posted in General on 25/01/2010 by markcalles

Writing has always been a strong impulse in me. Sure, at times my work is confusing and cryptic and sloppy and nonsensical and few and far between, but it has always been there. It’s like a dog that never dies, never has to be feed, never gets lonely or moody and doesn’t shit on your carpet. Just one day, you untie it from out in the back yard and you’re back to playing fetch again. And most importantly, it is always happy to see me.

So, I’ve finally decided to take this impulse and to make something a little less haphazard, but I guess we’ll just have to see.

As some of you already know, recently I’ve moved myself half way around the globe from California to a small country called Denmark. I have been here 6 months and the transition has not been easy. True, being a Danish citizen has helped me out a lot. They’ve given me some money, set me up in a school to learn Danish, I’ve got medical insurance and can go to school for free. All of which I deeply appreciate, but it has been no picnic.

At the moment I’d like to think that things are going pretty well. I now have a job, an apartment and am going to school to learn Danish. I’m finally in a place where I feel like I’m being productive. And now that the dust has settled a bit I deemed it the perfect time to inform all the curious about exactly what it is I’m doing here, why I came, and what I hope to accomplish. So stay tuned. I hope this will last a long time and I’d love if you let me know if I ever stray too much. It’s going to be a lot of new, even if in the context of reflecting on the old, peppered with any wisdom I can drag out of my experience.

And so, thusly begins my expedition into wherever it is I’m heading.