In my head my brain

sometimes i wonder if im doing this to myself subconsciously. in the past weeks ive left more and more pieces half finished. ive left a trail of half born children, still, and holding their breath. its a bit disturbing, and the block is getting to me. but then, today, i wake up fresh and ready. go about my morning routine. piss, eat, tidy up, talk to the roomie, and thats when it comes, but not like i used to know it. its like im forcing myself to think around the block, to not fall into the same pattern and style i had written in before. so i sit down and spit it out. i go start to finish. i dont edit. i dont line break. i flow. till its out. till all the water has been poured out of the bucket. its something i havent done for a long time. i remember during some of my writing/poetry classes using this as warm up. continuous writing, or flow writing. its freeing, and maybe its just what i need. if you know me personally, or have read my works extensively, you know, i have the propensity to over think. im over critical and my brain is feed up with it. its putting my censor on break.

so, i go back. line break, gut some. add little. and its there. the feel is there. i havent added anything that wasnt there already. i havent spent hours fretting over specific words, tailoring the metaphors, clouding the context. its plain, mostly simple and mine. quite a bit like my last piece, with editing. and if this is how its gonna come out, well, i have no choice but to take it. got to ride the wave. got to play the game. enjoy.

Im wasted

and I haven’t had a drink

for days.

My mind has taken

over. It flips and flops,

sloshes

around like a fish

in a puddle

that has slowly shrunk

away.

;

I try to

calm myself,

to pull

the reins.

;

“it’s okay.

It’s all

gonna be

okay.”

;

But my weak heart

cannot

control

this restless brain.

And my soul

is on vacation.

My morals, my

integrity,

my idealism,

my wisdom all

out to lunch.

An indefinite

break.

;

And the engine

starts.

We are all so eager

to run

the race.

Who wins

this time,

in time.

“what’s the

time?”

Eager to see,

but none can say.

;

Another blank shot,

so fire the gun.

“And they’re off.”

Another turn of the crank.

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